Dueling Fantasies: DIE HARD Vs. HALLMARK Christmas Movies

No, we won't rehash whether "Die Hard" is a Christmas movie here. While there are several references to Christmastime in the movie, and while it is entirely devoid of any other thing Christmassy, I suspect that this somewhat silly (but admittedly fun) controversy won't end prior to Jesus' return.

Still, the very reason why I suspect the argument won't end any time soon is precisely the reason for this post, and that reason is not Jesus' birth but, rather, the dueling fantasies of male and female.

Now, that is not to say that every male thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie and every female does not. Nor is it to say that every female enjoys a good Hallmark Christmas movie (I too have suffered my jaded years) and every male does not (I see you sensitive and sweeter sort).

It is only to say and suspect that the controversy behind this yearly congenial debate is as deeply entrenched as the enduring stereotypes and fantasies -- equally despised and cherished -- by the stereotypical male and female audiences.

Ladies' First: Hallmark

That is the nature of the Hallmark Christmas movie, after all: Ladies' first. The chivalry, the romance, the strange and slightly oppositional tall-dark-and-handsome, who surprisingly brings the female her favorite cafe drink as a truce or in wooing gesture. The periphereal scenes and storyline don't really matter. What matters is that the quiet hero sees her, hears her, and unexpectedly fulfills her heart's desire (known or unknown and discovered).

Even if they begin at odds with or as opposites in mission and lifestyle, they end on the same page, on the same note, around the same Christmas tree, with the same Christmas lights twinkling in their eyes.

He is honest. He has integrity. He proves all of her jaded stereotypes wrong. He is her knight in shining armor. And men everywhere groan at this?

But they groan because they're lazy, apathetic, or so preoccupied 'irl' with video whores, video games, and their own ambitions that they find their girlfriend or wife's fantasy 'unrealistic'.

Is it though? -- Is it 'unrealistic' to see only your beloved? To hear her? To care? To show thoughtfulness and love in action as much in the daily grind as on the larger occasions? Is it so very much to ask -- for a man to be honest and to have integrity -- that it is considered 'fantasy' by both sexes?

The fact that the Hallmark Christmas movie is labeled a woman's fantasyland is sad commentary on our present social condition.

Sure, the lighting, the picturesque people and sets, the upperclass costumes, endless incomes, and mansion-esque homes may be a stretch for the average viewer and honestly over-the-top; however, that is the part most women readily recognize as the 'fantasy'. We know endings aren't always happy. We know all good men don't come chiseled with a 6-figure income. (At least half of men wouldn't be married if women actually held this standard.)

Men state every year that they don't know what women want. Well, men, if you could ever get past your own fantasyland, what we want isn't really that hard to figure. Watch a Hallmark Christmas movie some time and, instead of commenting with your ignorance, maybe take some notes instead. IF you really want to know.

I suspect, however, based upon your own fantasyland, that you don't really mean to know. It's far more fun to watch John McClane and pretend.

I understand.

Die Hard: That Thing Men Don't Do

Recently, upon noticing that Samsung clearly sided with Die Hard as a Christmas movie with multiple showings of it on multiple channels this year, I decided to rewatch the film. I had not seen Die Hard since my early 20s, so I had an open-mind. My vague recollection of the film was that it was action-packed with a lot of foul language...

Since rewatching, I have added men's fantasy to my past description of the film.

Seriously. Could anything be more of a male fantasy than this movie? Men love to poke fun at women for their Hallmark Christmas movies, while attempting to deny that they have fantasies. Look no further than Die Hard to prove such nonsense as ignorance, ladies.

Die Hard is entirely a male ego-trip. It's not about the woman or the family: It's about male-machoism and totally unrealistic heroics in the bloodied name of good intent. Nothing about the movie or the man is remotely realistic. It simply appeals to a man's fantasy of thinking he is or could be John McClane.

I have known very few men willing to get up off the couch, shut off a TV show, football or video game, pick up their own dirty laundry, get off the 'porn machine', simply be honest and faithful, or (without gripe) sit down to watch Hallmark Christmas movie (complete with unprompted hot chocolate) with their lady -- much less half die for them! THAT is male fantasy at its best.

The only charming and notable part of the movie is when McClane flashes his wedding ring to some other chick coming on to him -- Every wife's hope and expectation. And also fantasyland concerning more typical male behavior. (Again, I cite the porn machine. And lying.)

Hey, I don't control the truth happening around me; I just notate it. Present worldly and Christian culture mostly sucks.

Die Hard? Men don't even die soft. They don't die at all to self so far as I can tell....

Spiritual Facts in the Duel

When will women 'submit' to a husband?

When men start 'dying' for a wife.

(If you don't know the Scriptural references here, a simple browser search should suffice to catch the reader up. Notating references is so fourteen blogs ago: I'm tired. Read your Bible. But sociologically, with the family unit as the base of society, my arguments hold even without that holy reference.)

The spiritual fact is that these commands go hand-in-hand -- like a sweet Hallmark couple walking down a boardwalk holding up the same page.

Men, if you can't even guard your eyes and check your own fantasyland, how do you expect her to follow you? If you can't put aside your own ego and fantasy of heroics to serve her, how and why is it you think she should or would 'submit' to you (checking her own fantasies)?

And no, doing the bare minimum of working outside the home no longer puts you on a pedestal in woman's eyes. Most women now also have to do this AND pick up your dirty laundry (etc...) at the end of the day (while you fart around on the sofa) . So... try again.

Men want to be warriors. Women want to be princesses. But so long as both want those things selfishly, both remain in fantasyland.

When men focus on the heroics they think should count for something, while neglecting the weightier things of faithfulness, integrity, and honesty, they end up lost in their own fantasyland of ego, accusing women of wanting the 'unrealistic', while they can't even hold down the basics (of moral decency and integrity or thoughtfulness).

My fantasy, along with other conservative women, I suspect, is thinking that thoughtful, self-sacrificing men still exist in our culture. To be honest, I am no longer sure they do (though nearly every man will claim to be such, falsely, all things considered).

I have very little evidence around me to even hope for a possible and semi-realistic, Hallmark special, tall-dark-and-honest man -- much less a hot and bothered, muscular, John McClane supposedly fighting all hell and destruction to save me. One is as much fantasyland as the other, so far as I can tell.

I'm just saying, men.

You might want to tone down your complaints about the nice Hallmark guy. You're only coming off as tone-deaf to a lot of women.

(To be fair, there are liars, cheats, and fantasy-laden women out there too. I know. I've been privvy to their nonsense as well. Here, I only mean to address the silly movie quarrel, amusing but telling, and the porn machine - the latter of which is its own kind of evil male fantasy. But I digress.)

Cheerio, (kind, honest, and thoughtful) fantasy-man. Cheerio. I'll be watching Hallmark Christmas movies to my heart's content in spite of (and to spite) current sad trends in our culture's view on intimate relationships... in remembrance of a fantasy-you.

For since Adam and Eve, all have fallen short of our hopes and dreams.

Yet hope dies hard.

If there is any wisdom here, it belongs to God.